


In the Days to Come- After Your Loss

by Skilley09



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Birth, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Pregnant!Dean, Stillborn, castiel - Freeform, labor, late miscarriage, trigger warning for miscarriage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-10 17:11:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4400333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skilley09/pseuds/Skilley09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>***Trigger Warning: Miscarriage***</p></blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger Warning: Miscarriage***

Ever since they had become roommates five years ago, Dean had always had a thing for Cas.

Cas was slightly older. Slightly more put together. They got along so well. But he never seemed to see that Dean had feelings for him, because he'd had a few other boyfriends.

There was always something there for Cas, though. He'd go on a date with a guy and didn't feel quite right until he came home and his roommate was there with freshly baked cookies.

They'd gotten closer and closer as best friends. Cas had even developed a close friendship with Dean's brother, Sam.

Close to the end of five years of best friendship, Dean had thought it may be going somewhere when they finally hooked up one night.

Until two weeks later when Cas moved out to be with his new fling, Balthazar. Cas ran because he was scared to screw up the friendship. But they didn't end up talking after that. He and Balthazar broke up in mere weeks, but he was afraid to bother Dean again.

Dean, after having been lovesick for the past four years, was heartbroken when Cas left. But he was more shocked with what Cas left behind.

"Knocked up." He gripes to Sam. "I can't have a kid! Not now. Not alone." He tries to sound angry but he's really just scared.

"This-" his hand hovers over his stomach. "This wasn't supposed to happen. What am I gonna do?" He begs, close to tears.

"You need to call Cas." Sam tells him. And he keeps telling him for the next few weeks. But Dean's scared Cas will just disown him altogether when he finds out. It's an irrational thought, however. Cas has been thinking about Dean since the second he left.

He doesn't call.

The first day, he was angry. The first week, he was afraid. But on week two, something switched and he actually got- excited? Call it hormones, or maybe just Dean's big giant heart.

He doesn't stop being sad about Cas. But he has Sam, and Jo, and Charlie to help him out. Who are all very happy, too. But they never stop begging him to call Cas.

He wants to but he's not going to. He's terrified of rejection. He's done all that he can the past few weeks not to cry every time he thinks about him.

One day, Charlie had picked up the phone right in front of Dean, in a fit of frustration, threatening to call if Dean didn't. Dean broke down, in tears, practically down on his knees begging her not to do it. Needless to say, she felt pretty bad.

Nothing some brand new baby clothes can't fix. He couldn't stay upset after shopping through isles of tiny little socks and onesies.

The girls, and even Sam, find Dean adorable like this. He's just so happy. Always has a hand on his belly. Everything goes relatively smoothly, until Dean's about four months.

*******

He had gone to bed really upset, about Cas. He was about to wake up feeling a whole lot worse.

Something makes him wake up. He feels wrong. There's this pain shooting through him. He pulls the sheets back to find the ones under him are red. And then it really, really hurts.

He all but screams in pain, terrified. He scrambles for his phone and tries to stand up, ending up on his knees.

He dials Cas.

Meanwhile, Sam's over at Cas's house. The first time he's seen him since he left Dean. He's trying to keep his cool, he would've gotten angry if he didn't realize how lovesick Cas now is for Dean.

"Hello?"

"Cas- Ca- ah-" he sobs into the phone.

"Dean? Dean, what's wrong? Are you okay?" He asks, panicked.

"I need- he-help-" he cries. "Please-" 

"Okay. I'm on my way over, I'll be right there, Dean, hold on." He says. 

"What? What is it?" Sam asks quickly. 

"It's Dean. He's- there's something wrong." He answers, rushing to get his shoes on. Sam's eyes widen, now terrified.

They rush to Dean's house, thankfully not too far away, Sam almost kicks the door in but Cas has a key.

"Dean?" They call. "Dean!"

They find themselves in Dean's dark bedroom. Cas sees him on the other side of his bed, on the floor, sobbing. He falls to his knees right in front of him. "The baby- Cas- the baby-" he sobs.

"What- Dean, what baby?"

Looking down to see that Dean is not only pregnant, but bleeding.

"Sam!" He screams, pulling Dean up into his arms, carrying him out of his room. "It h-hurts." Dean cries. "I know, baby." he says, finds Sam rushing towards them. "Get in the car, we need to go to the hospital." He says quickly to Sam.

It's the middle of December. He sits with a sobbing, shivering, barefoot Dean in the backseat while Sam drives as fast as he possibly can.

He carries Dean through the doors of the ER with Sam in their wake, everybody looks up. "We need some help-" he yells over Dean's cries. And soon there's even more commotion, nurses, doctors, rushing around them.

They get Dean on a bed to roll into another room, but Dean won't let go of Cas so he has to sit on the edge, holding around Dean's shoulders who has his head against Cas's chest. "How far along?" One of them asks Cas. He shakes his head. About to say 'I don't know', but Sam speaks up. "19 weeks, I think."

They get to a set of doors in which Sam and Cas aren't aloud through.

"What's gonna happen to him? Is he gonna be okay?" Cas hurriedly asks.

"We'll give you information as soon as we have it."

They sit in the waiting room together, not saying much. Cas is shaking. They both try to act like they're not crying. "The baby's mine, isn't it?" Cas asks in a soft voice. Sam nods. He feels so much more than scared now.

About an hour and a half later the nurse comes in. "You guys can follow me if you want to see him." She says.

They follow her into a room. Dean's asleep, he's hooked up to a monitor and an IV. "We had to stabilize him. He'll be asleep for another couple hours or so." She says.

"Is he going to be okay?" They ask. She nods and tells them he'll be fine.

"And the baby?" Sam asks. She shakes her head. "There's no more heartbeat. He miscarried."

Sam rubs his eyes and sighs. He looks back up at Cas. "This is gonna kill him."

"I'll let you two wait with him. We'll have someone come in to talk and give information when you and he are ready." She says, asks if they need anything before she leaves.

They sit by Dean's bed and finally talk, in quiet voices. "He didn't tell me." Cas says. Sam nods. "I know." There's a long pause before Sam shakes his head and looks up. "He was scared at first. But then he just got so excited, you know? He was- he was so happy." He says, swallows hard before continuing. "He wanted you. He wanted you the whole time. He was afraid to call you cause-"

"Cause I already abandoned him." Cas says, voice hoarse. He lets his head fall into his hands, rubs his eyes for a moment, when he looks back up, his cheeks are tear smudged. "I miss him, Sam." He says, on the edge of crying. "I made a mistake- leaving him. I never wanted to hurt him." He cries. Sam rubs his shoulder. "I know you didn't."

"I don't know what to do. He has every right to hate me after this."

"He's not gonna hate you. He's in love with you." Sam says. Cas looks up quickly. "He's been in love with you for the past four years, Cas."

Cas groans. Starts crying again. "I'm such an asshole." He cries. "I had all that time to tell him how I feel and now he just lost his- our baby. What if he thinks it's just sympathy? I need him, Sam. How do I make him feel needed?"

"Tell him what you're telling me. Tell him how you felt. Tell him that you love him. Just don't leave him again."

Sam tells him. Cas shakes his head. "Never. I'll never leave him."

They sit beside Dean's bed, Cas holds his hand. After another hour, Dean opens his eyes slowly, Cas and Sam look up. Dean looks at them, tired, confused. "C-Cas?" He says, voice quiet and scratchy. Cas smiles softly, tears in his eyes. "Hi sweetheart." He says.

"What happened?" He asks, shifting uncomfortably. "You're in the hospital, buddy, remember?" Sam says softly, gently patting Dean's knee.

"You're okay, hun. Relax." Cas says when Dean moves, he nods but then immediately looks down, hand falling to his belly. He looks up at them, worry painting his face. "Is the baby okay?"

Cas swallows hard and glances at Sam. More tears fill his eyes when he rubs Dean's hand and tells him. "You miscarried, sweetheart."

Dean chokes, world crumbling. "No." He cries, "no-" he starts to move weakly but breaks down even more. Cas crawls into bed beside him and pulls him to his chest. Dean clings to him and sobs. "I know." Cas rubs his back. "I know. It's okay. It's gonna be okay. Shhh." He hushes.

It's awhile before he calms down. Who could blame him. Cas stays in bed beside him and Sam sits next to them both. Dean rests his head on Cas's shoulder and lets Cas talk to him. "You're gonna be just fine. Someones gonna be here to help us know what to do. I'm gonna be right beside you, always."

"Y-you're not gonna leave?" Dean asks softly. Cas looks at him. "I love you. I was stupid before, but Dean, I've always loved you. I'm not just saying that, either, okay? I promise. I'm never leaving again." Dean nods and falls asleep on him. He's not sleeping for long, when he wakes up Cas sits down beside him again and a woman in scrubs enters the room. Looks at his clipboard. "Hi, Dean. I'm your midwife."

A few more introductions of the two men sitting beside Dean, to the woman. And then he's able to ask. "Why did this happen?"

She sighs. "its usually hard to tell. Sometimes it's no real reason at all." She starts. "You've suffered a late miscarriage. It's when the baby is between 12 and 24 weeks of pregnancy. There could be a few different reasons why. A defect, the wrong number of chromosomes were given from either one of the parents. Sometimes we just don't know." She tells him. He's close to crying now.

"Could I have done anything to- to prevent it?" He asks. She shakes her head. "There's nothing you did to make this happen. This wasn't your fault, Dean, I promise."

"I'm here for support too. If you have a problem or a question or you just need to talk, don't hesitate to let me know, any of you. Okay?" She says. They nod.

"S-so what happens now?" Dean asks.

"There's gonna be a few things that'll be happening over the next couple weeks. First, we could either induce you for labor, or you can wait for things to happen naturally, which could take a few days. That's completely you're decision." She starts. "After you deliver we'll keep you here for a couple of days at the most, providing there aren't any complications. And you'll need to be scheduled for another couple check ins within the weeks to follow. We'll take care of that for you, okay?"

"Okay." He says softly.

"So if you're planning on being induced, we need to know relatively soon. But you have some time to think about it. Unless you have anymore questions I can leave you guys to talk about it?"

"I- I don't have anything else to ask."

"Alright, Dean. Just let me know when you've decided, and I'll be back to check on you either way in a couple of hours."She says with a soft smile.

Cas sits back on the bed with Dean and starts carding his hand through his hair. Dean shakes his head, tears starting to fall. "I don't wanna have the baby right now." He cries.

"You don't have to, honey." Cas says, pushing the hair away from Dean's forehead. "You can just wait until things take their course. I'll take you home, and we can go from there, okay?"

"Will you stay with me?" He asks.

"Always, Dean."


	2. Chapter 2.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of the aforementioned miscarriage.   
> And sort of birth in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Miscarriage

They discharge Dean when he decides to take the natural route. He's ordered to stay on bed rest for the next couple of days.

 

Cas stays with him in bed for most of the time. 

 

They get home and get him situated. "Now I have to tell everyone. How am I gonna tell them?" Dean says, shaking. He really shouldn't be worried about this right now. "I'll tell them, Dean. Alright? You don't need to worry about anything. I'll take care of it. Just rest." Sam tells him. 

 

"Thank you."  
-

 

"What if I don't go into labor?" Dean worries. Cas shakes his head, "you'll go into labor. It's gonna take some time, but it'll happen."

 

It's been two days. Dean's not exactly sure what he isn't ready for but he knows he's just not ready in general. 

 

"You don't need to worry about when things will happen, baby. They'll happen on their own. Just relax, okay?" Cas says, Dean nods. 

 

He tries not to, but he cries himself to sleep often. It's weird knowing what he's lost is still right there. 

 

He's woken up three nights after he goes home by more strong pains and bleeding. 

 

"Cas. I th-think I'm in labor." He says. 

 

Cas calls Sam and takes Dean to the hospital. They get him in a room and let him know that it may take awhile. He still has contractions as expected. It doesn't matter how small the baby is, it's still the worse thing he's ever felt. 

 

"I don't wanna do this now, Cas, I'm not ready." He sobs. Cas holds his hand. "I know sweetheart. It's gonna be okay, it'll be over soon." 

 

He sits behind Dean and rubs his back on and off over the next few hours. They then break his water for him in hopes to speed things up and it does. Cas stays right behind Dean, in the bed, his back against Cas's chest. 

 

The doctor informs Dean there are people in the waiting room and the nurse goes out. 

 

Charlie, Sam, and Jo are sitting and waiting anxiously. 

 

"Hi." The nurse smiles. "Things are moving along quicker now so he should be able to deliver soon. He says you two can come in afterwards, but he asked if Sam would come in if he wants to." She says to them. Sam nods and gets up. He's surprised Dean wants him. He's glad he trusts him that much. 

 

He goes in the room. They look about ready to start. Dean looks in pain. 

 

Dean looks up when Sam comes in. Glad he came. "I'm here, buddy. What do you need?" Sam says. 

 

"Another h-hand-" Dean says, holding out one of his. Sam sits in the chair by the bed and holds Dean's hand. Cas reaches forward and takes Dean's other one. 

 

"I'm not ready to do this." He cries. Cas sweeps a few strands of hair back from Dean's damp forehead. "It's gonna be okay, sweetheart." He says. Dean shakes his head. "It's not, it's not okay. Th-the baby's g-gone, Cas, it's gone." He cries. Cas hooks his chin over Dean's shoulder. "Dean, baby, listen to me. It's okay. It's almost over. I know you're hurting, but it's gonna get better. This is the first step, okay? This is where we start. You're gonna feel better the more we go on but we need to start here, alright? You gotta push. Okay?" 

 

Dean nods weakly. "Okay." 

 

"Okay." Cas breathes. And then Dean finally bares down, yelling through his gritted teeth, just about breaking Sam and Cas's hands but they don't care, they're getting him through this. "Good." Cas gasps, smiling. "Good, Dean, just like that. Give me another one." And so, he does, sobbing. "Good job, sweetheart, we're almost there." He says, Dean leans back against Cas's chest, gasping. He's so tired. 

 

On the doctors nod Cas says again "give me another push" and Dean puts his all into it. Ready to be done. "Good. You're almost done, Dean, take a second." The doctor says. And Dean just breathes for a minute. "Okay, hon, bare down real gently- there you go." The doctor says. He feels something twist and then slide out. 

 

Within a moment the doctor takes what must be the extremely small baby away and more staff run around to start worrying about Dean. "You did so well, sweetheart." Cas whispers to a crying Dean. Presses cool fingers to his forehead. Cas motions to Sam. "Go get Charlie and Jo." 

 

They come in a few minutes later and Dean's laying half on Cas. Then there are more people, his friends, around him. He starts crying into Cas's chest and he can feel them rubbing his back and shoulders. They don't say anything, and that's okay. He just needs to cry. He falls asleep and stays asleep for awhile. 

 

When he wakes up, it's the middle of the night. Sam, Jo, and Charlie went home to sleep. They'll be back in the morning. Cas is still in the bed with him. "Here, drink some water, honey." He says. "Are you hungry? Do you want anything?" 

 

Dean shakes his head. "No, thank you." 

 

The midwife comes back in to talk with them. "So you'll be able to go home tomorrow afternoon. Over the next few weeks there'll be some things happening. You might have vomiting, soreness, pains in your abdomen, and on and off bleeding. That's normal, alright? You need to remember that your body needs to recover. And it can take awhile. Lots of rest, lots of water. No vigorous activities, heavy lifting, or sex for awhile. If you have bleeding for more than two or three weeks you should let us know. There could be an infection or more pregnancy tissue left in your uterus. But there's no need to worry about that now, your body should take care of expelling what it needs to on it's own. It's really important you let your doctor know before you plan to get pregnant again in the future. And we'll see you back in the doctors office next week and the week after for a checkup. But most importantly, talk to someone. It's important to talk about what's happened. Cas, your brother, your friends, they'll all be fine with you coming to talk about how you feel. Never feel like you need to apologize for grieving. Everybody does it differently. Everybody does it in different time lengths. If you need to call me for help or support, you can. Okay, Dean?" 

 

"Okay. Thank you." 

 

"Do you have any questions for me?" She asks. 

 

"Th-the baby. Where's the baby?" He asks timidly. 

 

"If you want to see the baby you absolutely can. We wanted to make sure you know it's your choice. Some couples choose not to see, and there isn't anything wrong with that. Well give you a certificate and some information for any ceremony plans you might want to make." She informs him. He nods. 

 

"I want to see the baby." He says right away. She nods. 

 

She brings it- him, the baby is a him- in. He's so small. But he looks like a little person. Sam takes some pictures of the three of them. Dean smiles before he cries. He's sad but he's also in awe. Cas cries too. 

 

Cas takes him home the next day. There's food and pre made meals in the fridge that Sam, Jo, and Charlie left for them. 

 

They take care of the ceremony right away. Dean wants to know it's taken care of. He wants a place he can visit. 

 

Cas finds he usually has to ask if Dean's in pain because Dean tries not to bring attention to it. He constantly has to tell him to just lay down. 

 

He notices Dean's discomfort one morning while Dean's up and around the kitchen with Cas. "Are you hurting, Dean?" He asks. Dean pauses and then nods "a little." More like a lot. 

 

"Why don't you tell me sweetheart? It's natural, you know that. Just tell me so that I can help you." Cas says and Dean nods. Cas makes Dean lie down on the couch and gets a heating pad for him. 

 

He still cries, off and on. Some days he won't cry at all, and others he'll be in bed all day and it takes everything in Cas not to break down too just seeing Dean like that. 

-

Cas wakes up in the middle of the night and Dean's not curled up beside him like usual. He goes into the bathroom to find a pantless Dean, blood smeared between his thighs and on the floor. Towel in hand. But he's hyperventilating, he doesn't know what to do with himself. "Hey, hey, hey." Cas says, rushes close to him. "Okay Dean, here." He takes the towel, lays it on the toilet lid and sits Dean down, kneels in front of him. "Look at me, you're okay, just breathe. Calm down. Okay." He says, gets Dean to breathe steadily. 

 

"I l-lost a baby." He cries. Cas pulls him to his chest. "I know." He says softly. "I know, sweetie." 

 

Dean's cries turns into hiccups and he starts to apologize. "I'm sorry-" 

 

"You have nothing to apologize for, Dean. Nothing." Cas assures. 

 

"Lets get you cleaned up. Bath or shower?" Cas asks. 

 

"Can we take a shower?" Dean asks. "We can. Just let me get it started." Cas says and gets the water hot. He helps Dean with his shirt and then takes off his own clothes. 

 

Cas takes Dean's hand and helps him get in. "Careful, don't slip." 

 

Cas gets in under the water with him. Dean leans forward and rests his head on Cas's shoulder. He bleeds a little less heavy in the shower, but the water going down the drain is still reddish. 

 

"Did you bleed in the bed?" Cas asks softly. Dean nods, Cas can see his shoulders flush. "You could've told me. You don't need to be embarrassed."

 

There's a long pause before Dean says "Thank you for taking care of me." 

 

Cas kisses the top of his head. "I love you." 

 

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter soon!


End file.
